You're a womanizer and a bitch.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my being single is dangerous.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
