so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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