Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
