I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
