fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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