I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
