Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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