tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
