the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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