I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
