I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
