If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
