im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
