Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
