im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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