Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
