If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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