watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
