I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize