remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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