Your face is a jimmy john
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
