you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
