I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
