My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
