Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
