These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
