Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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