If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize