Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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