I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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