Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
