Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

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(772): View more from Florida

i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

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(630): View more from Illinois

the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course

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(816): View more from Missouri

This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"

(573): View more from Missouri

Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.

(1-907): View more from Alaska

You at least asked for her number right?

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