no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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