I hate your face
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
