You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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