So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I did not marry a roomba.
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