come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
