I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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