Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My ass is underappreciated
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
