i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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