It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
