Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
