Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
