i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im six kinds of drunk right now
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize