I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
