Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
