just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize