i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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