I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
