I just cut my nipple shaving
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
