I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
