Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
