We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
