Got a toothbrush?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize