Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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