You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
