I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize