Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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