I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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