this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
