the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
