Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
