i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
