Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
