also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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