a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
