Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
