If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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