I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize