Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize