the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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