just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
