i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
