My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
