i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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