I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
