dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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