she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found the puke drawer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize