Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
