I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
