If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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