I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
