Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
