We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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