Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
