people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
