these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
