I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
