ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
