4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
