So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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