In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
