its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
