Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
