Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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