So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My balls are so social today.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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