he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
