It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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