i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
