I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
