I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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