Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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