Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
