It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
