uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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