So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
