This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
