Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
