I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
