I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
