there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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