i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
