i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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