she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
