I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
